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Supporting Self-Esteem

​​​​​Self-Esteem*​

*The information this page was originally developed by a team that created a website for families focused on "raising deaf kids" (See About Us​). Minor edits may have been made.

What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is how your child feels about herself. Having strong self-esteem is very important.  Read on to find out ways to help your child build self-esteem.​

Help your child build self-esteem

Ask your child these questions to see what her self-esteem is like:

  • Does your child feel happy with herself?
  • Does your child feel proud about what she can do?
  • Does your child feel loved?
  • Does your child have friends?
  • Does your child feel good about her looks?
  • Does your child feel good about school?
  • Does your child feel comfortable with being deaf or hard of hearing?

If your child answered "no" to any of these questions, she may need help with self-esteem.

Help your child feel good about himself

Self-esteem means feeling good about yourself. Children need to feel good about themselves to be happy and get along with other people. Children with good self-esteem are more ready to face new challenges, too. Some children feel good enough that they can imagine that they will be a basketball star, famous singer, or President.

Children who are deaf or hard of hearing (DHH) sometimes feel sad or mad about their hearing loss. As they get older, they start noticing the ways they are different from other children. This is true for all kids. One child might feel bad that his clothes are different. Another child might be upset that she's not as good as her friends at sports. In the same way, a child who is DHH might feel sad that he can't hear as much as his brothers and sisters or his friends. He might get frustrated when other people are talking fast and he can't join in.

Help your child feel better by pointing out all the things that he can do well. If your child is good at art, sports, math, or dancing, tell him! If your child is a good big brother or a good helper in the kitchen, thank him for his help. Put some of his drawings or spelling tests on the refrigerator. Be sure to tell your child you notice the things he's good at!

Read these tips for helping your child feel better about herself:

Tell your child you're proud of her. Let your child know that she is loved and that you notice her effort and abilities. Say:

  • "You're good at that."
  • "You did a good job!"
  • "You've worked hard."
  • "You make me proud."
  • "You tried hard."
  • "You can do it."

Spend time with your child.

  • Hug your child a lot.
  • Follow her lead - spend time doing what your child likes.
  • Play together, read together, or watch a movie together.
  • Practice sports and music together.
  • Or just communicate (talk and/or sign) together

Include your child.

It's hard to be the only deaf or hard of hearing person in a family.

  • Always include your child when your family is talking.
  • Find ways to communicate with your child. Include her in dinner table chat.
  • Give her turns to communicate during mealtime.
  • When you go somewhere, make sure you bring her.
  • Help her join in and be a part of the group.

Find other kids who are deaf or hard of hearing (DHH).

Try to find other kids like your child so they can share and  be friends. It's important your child has a friend she can talk to who understands what it is like to be DHH.

  • Find a mentor for your child. You love your child very much, but you may not know what she's growing through. It's hard to be DHH in a hearing world.
  • Your child needs to see grown-ups who are DHH  who can share what it is like to live and thrive in daily life. 
  • Your child needs to know that she can get a good job, have a family of her own, and make lots of friends.
  • Having a deaf adult to talk to your child can help her a lot.

Deaf mentors can help:

  • Deaf mentors often come to a family's home and teach the family sign language.
  • They can give you information about Deaf culture, and help you find services.
  • Deaf mentors can be role models for your child.
  • Learn about deaf mentors at:  http://www.deaf-mentor.skihi.org/

What Your Child Can Do to Help with Self-Esteem

Teach your child coping skills.

Your child may sometimes feel sad or mad about being DHH.

  • Show your child how to deal with her feelings in a good way.
  • Help her find ways to communicate with your family.
  • Show her ways to relax, like read books or write letters to friends.
  • Help her meet deaf adults or older students who are DHH.

When she's mad, have her:

  • Go outside and run or do other physical activity.
  • Take a deep breath and count to 10.
  • Jump up and down.
  • Hit a pillow as hard as she wants.

When she's sad, have her:

  • Talk about how she feels with a friend or parent.
  • Smile and think about all the good things in her life.
  • Ask for a hug.
  • Cry if it makes her feel better.
  • Look at things in a new way.
  • Try to find the good side of what's wrong.
  •  Ask a counselor for help.

Talk to your child about choices.

Show your child how to:

  • Take good care of herself - her mind and body.
  • Know and express what she is feeling.
  • Understand the difference between right and wrong.
  • Make good choices.
  • Figure out what's wrong when she's feeling bad.
  • Try to fix mistakes.
  • Decide who and what she wants to be.
  • Be independent.