Successes...Great and Small The
Definition Of Success
~"When
thinking about successes, I realized that "success"
was defined not just by the degree of communication we'd
established, but by what that communication meant in terms
of my daughter's developing personality and capabilities,
as well as our relationships within the family.
We
had a big problem getting my deaf daughter to watch us sign--at
15 months, she had evidently decided that her parents had
little to add, information-wise, to her world, and was busy
figuring out things on her own. I would have been discouraged
with our progress if I had not kept a journal in which I
recorded the signs she made back to us and the length of
the signed phrases I got her to watch before she turned
away. This tracked both her attending skills and my sign
skills--slowly but surely both improved. I'd encourage any
"new" parent to keep this kind of record--when
you get discouraged, you can turn back a few pages and see
where you were a month, six months, or a year ago.
My daughter
was seven the morning I walked into her brother's room and
found him to not be merely sleeping late, but in the middle
of a grand-mal seizure. In the ensuing panic-filled moments,
she recognized the gravity of the situation and quickly
followed instructions. Later, when the dust had settled,
I was able to give her a reasonably detailed, age-appropriate
explanation as to what had happened. We'd reached a level
of communication that let us handle both the immediate crisis
and complex explanations.
My
daughter has a strong independent streak, evident from an
early age. She made many of her own successes; as parents
we just needed to learn to step back and let her go, but
be there to pick up the pieces. When she was four, some
neighbors brought over a tiny sidewalk bicycle their kids
had long since outgrown. We were preoccupied with company
at the time, but no matter--she went outside and fell down
until she learned to ride it. Later, she learned to ride
a unicycle. Then, she decided to apply the same principle
to her own education--"I'm not learning enough in school,
so I'll just teach myself!" Now she's in college, dealing
successfully with a difficult major, and spends weekends
racing up and down mountains with the local bicycle club."
~"The
experience of choosing an identified deaf child to adopt
is obviously different from giving birth to an infant and
then discovering the deafness, but the expectations and
fears of all parents are probably very similar. We all dream
about our children's futures - the kinds of people they
will become - the jobs they'll hold - the contributions
they'll make to society. As our children mature, our expectations
are certain to change, but we're always hopeful of great
things. But sometimes the greatest things are small things.
These
grand ideas seemed impossibly far away for our son, so we
decided to concentrate on small steps. The tiny successes
became very important to us and were celebrated with joy
and shared with other parents in our support group. Regular
discussions with other parents who understood our situation
and knew our child were priceless. As one parent in our
group said, "This is where I don't have to preface
my comments with a long, detailed explanation to educate
everyone about deafness first. You understand."
Small
steps are best seen in hindsight. The first time our child
managed the public bus fare, made the correct transfer,
and arrived at his destination on time was such a normal,
average activity for many people that our neighbors couldn't
comprehend why we were cheering on the lawn, but you understand....
The pride we felt as we watched our
teenager standing patiently at a hotel registration desk
until someone was willing to read his note and provide him
with an "access kit" for our room (a TTY, a caption
decoder, and a door signal device) so he could order a pizza
from room service, answer the door when it arrived, and
settle in with a captioned movie while we were attending
a business meeting. You understand...
James
came to our family as a foster child when he was nine years
old. He was identified as profoundly deaf not long before
his placement in our home. It would be several years before
the full extent of his other handicapping conditions was
diagnosed and even longer before we devised effective approaches
for teaching him.
At
ten, James did not recognize his first name in print and
could not count to three. His physical condition was so
underdeveloped that he still had all his baby teeth. He
had never been in a restaurant or a barber shop. So we relocated
to Nebraska, enrolled our newly adopted son in a variety
of school and social activities, and began the hard work
of parenting a deaf multi-handicapped child.
Now our 27-year-old son has a high
school diploma, reads and writes, lives and works (under
supervision) apart from his family, and has plans for more
independent living in the future. Is he a scientist, businessman,
or educator? No, he's not. Is he self-sufficient and totally
independent? No, it's unlikely he'll ever be those things.
But he's healthy, safe, and happily functioning within his
capabilities. Small successes - sometimes those are the
sweetest."
~
My
daughter has a strong independent streak, evident from an
early age. She made many of her own successes; as parents
we just needed to learn to step back and let her go, but
be there to pick up the pieces. When she was four, some
neighbors brought over a tiny sidewalk bicycle their kids
had long since outgrown. We were preoccupied with company
at the time, but no matter--she went outside and fell down
until she learned to ride it. Later, she learned to ride
a unicycle. Then, she decided to apply the same principle
to her own education--"I'm not learning enough in school,
so I'll just teach myself!" Now she's in college, dealing
successfully with a difficult major, and spends weekends
racing up and down mountains with the local bicycle club."
These
grand ideas seemed impossibly far away for our son, so we
decided to concentrate on small steps. The tiny successes
became very important to us and were celebrated with joy
and shared with other parents in our support group. Regular
discussions with other parents who understood our situation
and knew our child were priceless. As one parent in our
group said, "This is where I don't have to preface
my comments with a long, detailed explanation to educate
everyone about deafness first. You understand." 
James
came to our family as a foster child when he was nine years
old. He was identified as profoundly deaf not long before
his placement in our home. It would be several years before
the full extent of his other handicapping conditions was
diagnosed and even longer before we devised effective approaches
for teaching him. 
