Parent Talk
Siblings of a Child with a Hearing Loss

To address the individual concerns of parents with deaf of hard of hearing children, the answer portion of the following section has been separated into two categories: 1) For parents of hard of hearing children, and 2) for Parents of deaf children.

Question: How do you encourage siblings to sign/communicate with their deaf or hard of hearing brother or sister?

Answers (for parents of hard of hearing children):

~ "With our son being the oldest, it has never been an issue in our family. His VERY bossy younger sister has needed a reminder on occasion that she is not the speech and language expert, and that corrections need to be made by the resident Mom or Dad!"

~ "I have never told them anything different than what I tell adults. I let my child explain to his brother why he wears hearing aids and how he should talk to him."

~ "We encouraged them from the very beginning. We modeled communication skills we learned at parent/infant classes. And we emphasized that they talk to her, even when it was easier and faster to communicate through a parent."

~ "Our hearing child picked up on many of the communication techniques as he grew up with his older brother, who is hard of hearing. When we saw him communicate in an ineffective way, we tried to correct him and asked him to repeat what he wanted to communicate using effective techniques."

Answers (for parents of deaf children):

~ "When my daughter's hearing loss was diagnosed we explained the situation to her older sisters and talked about how we would need to communicate with her. We taught them signs and helped them along with new vocabulary as needed. It was a fun thing for them and they learned quickly."

~ "Our child needs sign language for communication, so when our hearing son was born we began signing and talking to him simultaneously. I think because it was something he was exposed to from birth, it became as natural for him to sign as it did to speak. He signed his first words at the age of 9 months (no, more, please), in fact, he signed before he spoke. Today, as a young adult, he is a fluent signer, and for the most part it has never been an issue with him."

~ "Our son has multiple disabilities. We do the alphabet and colors with our hearing daughter, and we mainly encourage her to touch and play with her brother, and try not to overemphasize how fragile he is so that she is comfortable with him."

~ "When my hearing son was about 8 years old he came to me and said he was tired of signing. I explained to him that sometimes I got tired of it too, and that I knew that it could be difficult, but that in our family it just wasn't an option not to sign. I told him that he could learn to sign, but that his sister could not learn to hear. He seemed surprised to hear me say that I also got tired of signing sometimes, and once I had sympathized with him a little bit, it was never an issue that came up again."

~ "We held sign classes for neighborhood children in the summer, and my son helped teach the classes. He distributed fliers, handed out lessons, and helped serve as a sign model. In this situation, he was the expert, and it made him feel very proud and important to be able to sign. After the first summer, he took it upon himself to teach the other children in the neighborhood to sign, and I have some very precious videotapes of him sitting on his chair in the driveway surrounded by a number of enthusiastic students."

~ "I tell them it is just what we do in our family, and they are so good at it."

~ "We held family sign classes and asked the siblings to teach some of the signs. This made them feel included and important. They also attended sign classes for siblings."

~ "We got involved as a family by taking sign classes together and by attending special meetings with parents and their children so that everyone got used to the fact that if they wanted to communicate with their brother, they had to learn his language."

Question: Do you think you place more responsibility on your hearing children than your deaf or hard of hearing child? If so, why? If not, why not?

Answers:

~ "I'm sure that I have at times. It is much easier to get the attention of the hearing child. It takes more time and energy to go to the child with the hearing loss and explain what you need done, and when I'm in a hurry or tired, I find I will automatically call the hearing child to do the task. I'm sure if you ask my hearing child, he will say that he has more responsibility than his sister does. I'm more aware of doing this now, and I try to be careful not to do it."

~ "Sometimes we found ourselves asking less of our hard of hearing child in regards to tasks around the house when he needed to spend more time on homework."

~ "Both of my children had equal responsibilities when it came to things like cleaning their room and helping clean the kitchen. It sometimes took a little longer for my deaf child to accomplish the same task because I realized that I was taking for granted that she understood what was expected of her when giving her something new to do. I realized that I would often talk my hearing child through the same job while I was doing something else in a different room. Once I realized what I was doing, I began taking more time initially to explain the task better and model what needed to be done before expecting her to just wing it."

~ "Yes, unfortunately this has happened. Our hard of hearing child often became frustrated when helping with jobs at home, because it was difficult always to face him to give directions. As a result, it was easier to ask our hearing child to help with some chores."

~ "Maybe when they were very young, but our hard of hearing child is also the youngest, so that may have just been the natural thing to do. As she got older, we tried to give her more responsibility and to take more responsibility for her own communication with others."

~ "At first we were much easier on our deaf child because we knew that the hearing children could understand us and rationalize better. Now, at age five, our son who has the hearing loss sees everyone else doing their part and he knows that he should help too."

~ "Inadvertently there is more responsibility on the hearing children for things like 'call me if…' when they were playing. When friends came, the hearing child automatically was expected to tell them what our deaf son was saying. It is enough responsibility just being the hearing sibling. Sometimes he feels he is unnoticed when people ask about our deaf child or he feels burdened because he must watch out for his brother's safety, etc. As far as placing more responsibility for doing chores or schoolwork on the hearing child, no! The deaf or hard of hearing child needs to be expected to do his share in the family, school, and community."

~ "Not really. I try to look at them for what they are and who they are. Their age is also very important and my husband and I try to give both of them responsibilities according to their age."

~ "Yes, because I think sometimes that my hearing child will understand me better and sometimes I get lazy with my signing and it is just easier to say it and have it done faster."

~ "One thing I decided early on was that I would be very careful not to put my hearing child in the position of having to be the interpreter, unless absolutely necessary. She does this enough in every day situations without being expected to do it for other things. It is tempting to let her interpret when we know she can do it, but it can lead to resentment."

~ "I feel that responsibility needs to be the same, whether a child is hard of hearing, deaf, or normal hearing. We all have to survive in the same world. What is most important is communication with your child so that he or she understands what the expectation is."

~ "Yes, in the way that you would rely on the hearing sibling to explain things that have happened when you were not present, or when interpreting is needed and I am not around. Also, if I call the children for dinner I tend to call aloud to the hearing ones and expect them to let the deaf one know that they are being called. There are many other circumstances where a hearing sibling is often called upon to be the 'ears' for the deaf child."

~ "Our hearing child is the younger of our two children, and I've realized that it is not fair to him to be put in the position of having to be the 'older' or more responsible one. It is also not fair to my daughter to feel that I think her little brother is more responsible, just because he can hear."

Parent Interview #1

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Question: What do you think your hearing children have learned from having a deaf or hard of hearing sibling?

Answers:

~ "I know for a fact that my hearing child demonstrates much more tolerance and acceptance of people with a disability, as well as people who are different in any way, than most of his peers. He knows first hand that his sister is just like anyone else, but is perceived as different by people who don't understand deafness. I don't see him give in to peer pressure to tease those who are different from himself, and although this may just be part of his personality, I think it also has to do with the fact that he has a sibling who has a hearing loss."

~ "I think they have learned tolerance to some extent. They saw the struggles and how hard she had worked to succeed to become the teen she is today, so I think they feel a special pride in her accomplishments. But they don't cut her any slack!"

~ "I think most of all they have learned acceptance. The hearing loss is just a small part of who a person is. Aside from the disability, a person with a hearing loss is still a full and complete person."

~ "This is a very difficult question. I think she has learned that people can be different and function differently and yet be normal. She doesn't understand why other people don't understand that. She also had to learn something very hard, and that was the fear of losing her brother. This was because of the meningitis, not the hearing loss. Now she is very afraid whenever he gets sick and asks a lot of questions."

~ "They have learned how to communicate not only with words, but also with touch. My daughter (age 4 ½) is a total advocate for her brother."

~ "Our hearing child is able to look at others who have disabilities in an accepting way. He does not see disabilities as something that should prevent an individual from being what he wants to be."

~ "Just because people may look or do things differently than you do, or that is out of the norm, doesn't mean that you can't be friends with them. I think they have learned a lot about acceptance and diversity and will continue to learn it as they grow older."

~ "Our hearing children have learned many things from having deaf and hard of hearing siblings. They have learned the importance of sounds and communication that they would otherwise take for granted. They have learned to be observant of the obstacles encountered, and have learned to explain things to other people. They have learned to clarify and explain more fully to the deaf and hard of hearing children. They have learned that their deaf and hard of hearing siblings are able to do anything they work to achieve."

~ "They have learned about coping, and have learned that diversity is not so different."

~ "They have learned to appreciate disabilities, especially deafness. They have also learned that they couldn't always have as much attention as they wanted, and learned to be resilient and responsible, and hopefully learned how much easier things are when you can hear normally."

~ "Though we did not see it in the beginning, when we look back we can now see that having a child with a hearing loss has been a real blessing to our family. It teaches compassion and draws out some of the best qualities in a person. Love, patience, and empathy for others, are only a few of the traits we see developing in our children. It has become one of the binding forces holding our family together, all wrapped up in our precious little one!"

Parent Interview #2

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Parent Interview #3

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