What
does the Future Hold? Follow
Your Child's Lead
~"Just
after our daughter had been diagnosed, I went to my niece's
dance recital and spent a lot of time crying, thinking this
was something she would never be able to do. As it turned
out, her hearing loss didn't prevent her from trying dance
lessons…her personality did. I made her older brother
attend dance lessons with her at several different studios
when she was three and four. She could either hear the music
or feel the beat enough to do what the other girls (and
her brother) were doing. She just hated being there. However,
she also tagged along to his soccer practices so often that
the coach actually let her play when she was four and all
the other kids were six. I finally realized that some of
my dreams for my little girl wouldn't have been in her future
even if she hadn't lost her hearing. Instead, sports have
been her passion and salvation. Her teammates have been
her best friends. She works so hard that coaches and other
players have gladly made accommodations for her. And as
she points out, crowd noise doesn't phase her!
We encouraged her to take Latin
in high school as her foreign language, since it doesn't
require speaking as much as other languages might. So what
did she choose to take in college? Japanese. This past summer
she traveled alone to Japan to visit her sister. I was so
worried about her traveling that far alone, but she wasn't.
She loved the country and wants to go back, and thinks learning
the language will make the travels more enjoyable. She never
has paid much attention to what anyone else thinks she can
or cannot do."
~"We
named our daughter for a bird with a beautiful song. The
discovery that she was deaf might have been doubly devastating
had we really expected her to be a "song thrush,"
but we'd already laughed about the odds of that happening
with two tin-ear parents. At first we didn't know what to
expect. Reality came crashing down at an out-of-state ABR
lab, where we received the bare diagnosis and the instructions
to go back home and work with the referring audiologist.
We got in the car to start the 6 hour drive home, exhausted
from having spent the previous night sleep-depriving our
daughter in preparation for the test. We cried about what
she'd lost (music, birds singing, frogs croaking, voices,)
and tried to list what she'd still have (art, literature,
the visual beauty of the outdoors we loved.) We knew very
little about deafness at this point, but started gather
information....
She
might not develop the ability to communicate through speech.
Okay, we'll use another way. Far more devastating was the
possibility that she might not learn to read or write at
a level we'd always assumed our children would (we both
have graduate degrees--of course our children would be brilliant
academic successes. And what about the joys of reading for
pleasure?) Well, speech didn't happen. We hoped, we got
her a hearing aid, used it religiously, voiced when we signed,
got her speech therapy in addition to that provided in school;
but it became evident that she wouldn't develop speech unless
we lived and breathed speech 24 hours a day, and there was
just too much else we wanted for her. Reading did happen!
Slowly at first--it was, after all, a second language--her
reading skills tended to come in surges separated by plateaus,
but by the time she graduated from high school she was well
above the average reading level of hearing students her
age. Vocabulary is still a problem for her, and multiple
choice tests with their limited context her least favorite;
college means working longer and harder than the hearing
students beside her, but she's determined, and cherishes
her own success. Her written English will never be mistaken
for that of a native speaker, but is clear, well-organized
and has a certain flair to it, since she likes to make up
her own idioms!
Would she be independent, or
would her hearing loss hold her back? We soon learned we
were dealing with an extremely independent personality.
She was ready to try things before we were. At age fifteen
she made her first solo airplane journey, telling the man
at the ticket counter that she did NOT want help changing
planes. At age sixteen she insisted on a solo backpacking
expedition. At age eighteen she left for college out-of-state,
and would have preferred to just hit the road without Mom.
The next summer she got an internship on the opposite coast;
this time she did hit the road on her own, driving herself
across the country and back. We have many, many gray hairs
but are proud of her self-sufficiency.
What
about this "Deaf Community?" Would she be a part
of it? Would she feel she must conform to the values of
a small group in order to have what all humans need, fellowship?
Her independent personality came complete with independent-mindedness.
She has deaf friends and hearing friends, enjoys deaf activities
and activities in which she is the only deaf participant.
There are people and pastimes in both worlds, which she'll
have nothing to do with. She seems happiest with a foot
on each side of the "line," despite very limited
oral skills. Thoreau's drummer is metaphorical: "If
a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it
is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to
the music he hears, however measured or far away."
It is so important to remember
that, as more than one parent has expressed throughout this
website, the hearing loss does not define the child. It
also does not define their future. It may result in more
challenges and require more effort and determination on
the part of both the child and the parents, but it does
not mean that your child's future will be without richness
or fulfillment. Each child is unique and each has his or
her own individual interests and talents. With our love
and support, they can and will reach their fullest potential.
Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Absolutely.
~"Just
after our daughter had been diagnosed, I went to my niece's
dance recital and spent a lot of time crying, thinking this
was something she would never be able to do. As it turned
out, her hearing loss didn't prevent her from trying dance
lessons…her personality did. I made her older brother
attend dance lessons with her at several different studios
when she was three and four. She could either hear the music
or feel the beat enough to do what the other girls (and
her brother) were doing. She just hated being there. However,
she also tagged along to his soccer practices so often that
the coach actually let her play when she was four and all
the other kids were six. I finally realized that some of
my dreams for my little girl wouldn't have been in her future
even if she hadn't lost her hearing. Instead, sports have
been her passion and salvation. Her teammates have been
her best friends. She works so hard that coaches and other
players have gladly made accommodations for her. And as
she points out, crowd noise doesn't phase her!
She
might not develop the ability to communicate through speech.
Okay, we'll use another way. Far more devastating was the
possibility that she might not learn to read or write at
a level we'd always assumed our children would (we both
have graduate degrees--of course our children would be brilliant
academic successes. And what about the joys of reading for
pleasure?) Well, speech didn't happen. We hoped, we got
her a hearing aid, used it religiously, voiced when we signed,
got her speech therapy in addition to that provided in school;
but it became evident that she wouldn't develop speech unless
we lived and breathed speech 24 hours a day, and there was
just too much else we wanted for her. Reading did happen!
Slowly at first--it was, after all, a second language--her
reading skills tended to come in surges separated by plateaus,
but by the time she graduated from high school she was well
above the average reading level of hearing students her
age. Vocabulary is still a problem for her, and multiple
choice tests with their limited context her least favorite;
college means working longer and harder than the hearing
students beside her, but she's determined, and cherishes
her own success. Her written English will never be mistaken
for that of a native speaker, but is clear, well-organized
and has a certain flair to it, since she likes to make up
her own idioms!
What
about this "Deaf Community?" Would she be a part
of it? Would she feel she must conform to the values of
a small group in order to have what all humans need, fellowship?
Her independent personality came complete with independent-mindedness.
She has deaf friends and hearing friends, enjoys deaf activities
and activities in which she is the only deaf participant.
There are people and pastimes in both worlds, which she'll
have nothing to do with. She seems happiest with a foot
on each side of the "line," despite very limited
oral skills. Thoreau's drummer is metaphorical: "If
a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it
is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to
the music he hears, however measured or far away."
